I’d like to continue from my last blog post (dreams) which was about coincidences since the passing of our son, Christian. There have been so many that it’s hard to include all of them, but they give us comfort because they each hint at the fact that maybe losing Christian wasn’t something that was in our hands, it was out of our control. God planned on taking Christian back to heaven early and he left us with little clues to help us find peace during the grieving process.
There was just something different about Christian, a different feeling that we always had. Like he still belonged somewhere else and he didn’t completely attach to the earth. From the time he was a baby, it always seemed like he could understand what I was thinking. He would pull at my face and put his forehead right against my forehead and stare into my eyes for minutes and minutes. Christian did this with everyone, sitting forehead to forehead and looking deep into their souls. Usually he was sucking his thumb before he grabbed your face, so he left you with a really wet cheek when the ceremony was over, which made it even more special. I always thought this was a strange thing for a little baby to do and he carried it on throughout his life. This was the way that Christian used to talk to you and help you understand what he wanted or what he was thinking since he didn’t start really speaking until he was about 3 years old. For some reason, when he did this, we knew what he was saying. Usually he was telling us, “Slow down and stop rushing me!” Christian went at his own pace which was about five times slower than anyone else around him. He stopped to appreciate the little things and you couldn’t rush him into anything, no matter how hard you tried.
We also joked that Christian plugged his battery into heaven’s energy source to recharge every time he fell asleep. His temperature would raise five degrees every time he slept and when he woke up he was always covered in sweat…even in the middle of winter. It was like he was downloading highly classified information each night.
These things specifically don’t hint at the fact that Christian wasn’t going to be here for long, like the previous instances that I wrote about. What I’m trying to describe is the feelings that Christian gave us. They didn’t give us the impression that they were coming from somewhere on earth. They felt like they came from heaven and God; where Christian originated from. Because of these feelings we always worried about Christian, always. There wasn’t the same worry with Nevan. We always knew that Nevan would be alright. We were scared of losing Christian from the minute he was born, and we felt like we were always battling to keep him here with us. He had heart murmurs, woke up one morning coughing up blood, and worried the doctors for a minute the day he was born because he took his time taking his first breath. Like I said, he did things on his own time. There was never a rush.
In the end I guess what I’m trying to say can be summed up in one sentence. There was an energy that Christian had that was special and not belonging to the earth. He left a piece of that heavenly energy with everyone that he touched and we are so thankful to have been able to experience it.